How one label can stay with you and define you even as an adult.
Personal Notes
I have a lot of shame
Is this what internalised misogyny feels like?
I’m being haunted by moving ghosts
I’m sitting here in the clutter. My pretty blue carpet is covered in boxes, the bookshelf behind me is empty and works like an echo shell amplifying each little sound I make. The dust bunnies roam across the floor because I’m not going to vacuum until this room is empty. It looks little different than …
Screw ‘good vibes only’ — we need to live life like the complicated, messy creatures we are
I’ve had it up to here (you can’t see me but I’m waving my hand as far above my head as I can get it) with relentless positivity. You know what I’m talking about. It’s when people say shit like ‘good vibes only’ or ‘you just need a positive attitude’. Because those statements embody the …
I love me some art. As in, cover all the walls in art.
I’m sitting at my desk. The same desk as last year this time, but not the same flat. The move here last autumn was a sonofabitch but it was much needed. Now the kiddo has her own room and I have this fancy office with double doors. No, wait, before you get too excited, they’re …
I sit here on the sofa feeling nothing as much as a scaffolding for cats
I have a big angry scratch down my right arm where Tigger got me. We took out the luggage scale yesterday, because I keep wanting to weigh the cats. Since switching to raw food we’ve been trying to find the right amount of food per feline. They should be eating a ball (~25 grams) of …
I got down the road, over the hill, and up the stairs, but it killed me dead
And then the whole family got Covid. Ah, the joys of having a child who goes to pre-school, where other parents bring their children when they’re sick (yes, very much against what we’ve been told time and time again). We just got free and clear of the cold that tore through the house as a …
Oh, the guilt of motherhood
It’s yet another morning that I’m sitting in the daycare parking lot reciting things I’m grateful for (or at least know I should be) to alleviate the guilt I feel. Our daughter, who is highly sensitive – both in the way that all children are and in the way highly sensitive people who never grow …
You’ve got to stay skinny
I almost stopped the car at a bus stop this morning when the chorus from Skinny by Kaleo hit my radio. Because this morning as I was getting dressed, I mused that I’ve turned into a middle-aged woman. Or maybe that’s putting it a little vaguely. Let me see if I can clarify… I always …
I have body dysmorphia
When I look at myself, at my body, I don’t see what’s actually there. Ever since I developed body dysmorphia, I don’t see shapes and forms; I see hatred, judgement, and not being enough. I’m not sure where it began, but I know I had body dysmorphia when I stopped eating. When I ate just …