I’m working on decluttering the house, but it’s more of a gradual process since I’m doing one area at a time. The place I’ve made the most progress with is my closet. even though I’ve done that in parts too because it’s been difficult to let go of some of the clothes. Because I was someone else when I bought them and now it’s so obvious that they were bought for anther life entirely. For a life that was less comfortable (physically) because it was more important how you looked than felt, and more focused on impressing information about me on other people via how I looked.
But that was way pre-pandemic. Now everyone is much more aware of how wonderful it is to be comfortable. I’ve kept our books and magazines in good order though, so I won’t go over those until we’re ready to start moving. I’ve redone my desk, but I think I want to do it again because I’m not entirely happy with how it’s now. I did receive the maneki neko that I bought for my desk and it’s now sitting there waving in the good luck.
To be honest, I’m dissatisfied with the whole workroom but I’ve got very little leverage with both of us working from home now. I also have the floors we have in this apartment because it’s a botched amateur job. But since this is all temporary I’m not willing to put up with the inconvenience of a floor renewal. As we move into spring and we get sunlight and warmer weather, I’ll take another look at the house and see if I want to change something.
Right now I’m just so fed up of the snow and the slush and the cold. I want warmer weather, I want to be able to go out all year round and not be caged for six months with shit weather and cold conditions. I want to be able to roam free, and have spring come in March, not have to wait until May.
I mean I’ve tried to leave this country so many times already, and somehow I keep ending up back here. What do I need to do to really shake things up? I want that country house, with the barn conversion and the amazing green hills, the Atlantic ocean right there and riding all year round – even if it gets muddy in winter. I can live with that. It’s the cold that I so struggle with.
This waiting is grating on my nerves. 12 years with one foot in and one foot out, always on the brink of leaving yet never quite managing to do so. It’s tiring. Exhausting at times. Can’t really set down roots, yet can’t go about your life without living it on a daily basis. So, I escape into work. And I get tired and don’t know what else I can clear out. We already live quite a light life compared to many people and at this point, I can’t declutter any more or we’ll start losing the things we need for daily life. Yet at the same time, I can’t make investments either – like changing the floors. So, we live on with the botched amateur job of these floors and keep promising ourselves ‘soon’.
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