This empath's journal

Ok, Universe, bring it on3 min read

I feel so fucking uninspired. Outside stick season just isn’t ending. It’s dry and dusty and cold and miserable. It’s only marginally better than it was a few months ago. What do I have to do to start moving the needle?

What do you want me to do? How do I get things to pick up, how do I feel inspired again, how do I get the ball rolling and start making some fucking change happen?

I want to see some real actual change now, I’m so sick of waiting. I’m so sick of having things go slowly. I know all the people out there are saying ‘enjoy the journey’ but right now that feels just like those asshats who say ‘everything happens for a reason’.

And yes, I know, I know that “The universe only has 3 answers for you: yes, not yet, or I have something better. But it feels like I’m grinding my wheels right now. How can I find the inspired action I need to take to move forward from this?

I feel gutted even thinking about ‘just staying positive’. I can’t, I just can’t.

Because I am frustrated. I am feeling stuck. And I am at a loss for what to do now, how to move on, how to find inspired action.

I’m at this point where I almost want to tell you to send me a sign. Show me how you work in mysterious ways, you bish, show me how this stuff right now is getting me to something better!

Me ranting and raving isn’t getting me to inspired action, so what do I do to get to inspired action?!

Not only is it dry and shizz outside right now, it’s also that time of year that feels like waiting. Waiting for the rains to come back, waiting for the leaves to come out, waiting for the sun to warm the earth, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, and I am bloody losing my mind.

And it’s doubly frustrating because as a business owner, this is all on me, this is all my responsibility! I can’t even cop out and blame someone else for my boredom and frustration! I can’t even call customer service to complain about the weather outside…

And I ran into my ballet teacher this morning at the grocery store. Talking to her just reminded me of all the things that are not happening right now because of lockdowns and restrictions. Somehow that just made me suddenly feel like I’m suffocating. Even though I normally spend a lot of time alone while working from home.

But having it juxtaposed against something from before just seems to have brought this frustration out in me. And I’m so sick and tired of existing in this state of mind where my mood seems to flicker in and out, in and out.

What do I do? How can I get this sisyphean rock to start rolling up the bloody hill again?!

I’m really serious now. Just bring the bloody change. Bring it on, Universe. It’s been long enough and it’s time to move, time to grow, time to change, time to transform. I don’t even know into what yet, I’m gonna trust that part of this whole equation to you.

I’m just letting you know that I’m here and I’m ready to do the work. I’m ready for the next thing. It’s my time and I’m ready for the next phase.

So, bring it on. Bring. It. On.

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