rowboat pulled up onto the beach at sunset over the lake
This empath's journal

The story of my year so far…3 min read

This year has been a story of me doing nothing and doing everything.

Right now I’m in a low-energy phase. The hormonal changes, the autumn weather coming on, the exhaustion after everyone else being on summer vacay and being at home, the sadness of not enjoying being outside, the longing for post-pandemic dance classes to start up again, the yearning to do crafts I have no space to do, the constant daydreaming of having our own horses and the frustration of feeling like I’ve tried so many things and still haven’t gotten the kinds of results with my business that I’d like.

I set some ambitious financial goals for this year but realised in hindsight that they were too ambitious. That was because I was reading books about big businesses and big businesses set big goals. Turns out, big businesses are more likely to succeed if they set goals that are so big they’re almost ridiculous. Small businesses have a better success rate with realistic, smaller goals.

And I pivoted. I used to have my own webshop. But it was so πŸ‘ much πŸ‘ work.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not shying away from hard work. But figuring out all the admin of running your own shop plus doing all the creative and writing work was just too much for one person.

So, I’ve outsourced that workload to a platform. It has pros and cons, but I’m still happier now with just the design work to do – and I’m starting to find a flow with it now.

I’m still working on getting my head around marketing. Believe me, I’ve got my hands full with the design and writing work alone. But I need to figure out marketing too, and I’ve started warming up to Facebook ads again after initially thinking it wasn’t worth the time or effort.

I’m also working on becoming a better storyteller. Though I feel like there aren’t really any stories I’ve got to tell.

I mostly watch documentaries and read books. Very few things ever happen to me because I spend my life coming in contact with few people and usually, people is where the stories are at.

I feel like I haven’t really made any progress in my business. In fact, I almost feel like I’ve taken one step forward and five steps back. Back to boot camp, learning things all over again, feeling like I know nothing, Jon Snow.

As I said, I spent the first half of 2021 burning through my resources like a blazing wildfire. Now I’m all tapped out and feeling like nothing makes sense, nothing is working, I’m just running in circles and being useless.

The hubby said to me the other day: “Usually when you run in your circles you eventually figure things out.”

And maybe he’s right. Maybe running in circles is just a part of my creative process. Ugh.

Well, maybe somewhere along the end of this year I’ll find my enthusiasm for all the things I’ve set myself up for. Until then, I’ll just be low-key updating the shop with stuff I’m drawing while procrastinating.

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