snowfield with dried trees
This empath's journal

This year I feel like I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of well-meaning – but ultimately detrimental – business advice3 min read

There is so much information out there on How To Start An Online Business.

And everyone’s done it. Successfully.

And everyone’s looking to cash in on Showing You How You Can Get These Results Too.

But all I’ve ended up with is a feeling that I’ve failed.

I’ve failed to live up to these arbitrary goals of all these random people.

I’ve failed to build a fast-scaling, 10x-ing, three million dollar business.

I’ve failed to get a team around me so that I can do things better, stronger, faster.

I’ve failed, because this has started to feel like an awful lot of work.

With no fun at all.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m not averse to failure.

Failure is how you learn.

My failures are where I found all of my character.

Because, when I really think about it, none of my character came from the few things I actually got right on the first try.

The things that are easy just tend to glide right out of your memory.

But the times you effed up?

Those stick around to haunt you like Nicole Kidman in The Others.

And it’s in all the shit that you got wrong that your character arises.

That’s just how you learn.

You don’t learn from the easy stuff.

Because it’s easy! Duh.

And because you need what’s called a significant emotional learning event to make it stick.

It’s when you get to that point where you go, “Never again”.

Or, it’s lighter cousins, “Oh, shit not this again” and “Never doing this again”.

Basically, any horror-filled realisation that contains the words ‘not’ and ‘again’.

Any event that makes your innards feel like they’re both freezing over and burning hot at the same time.

Or that leaves you with that sinking feeling like you’re shrinking down into nothing while the obstacles in front of you are growing like an inflating bouncy castle.

I feel like this whole last year has been a significant learning event for me.

Because now I’m left wondering, with a mild terror, what it is that I’ve actually done.

I started out just wanting to write and draw.

But then I ran into all that business advice.

And I started feeling like me writing isn’t gonna cut it.

Me drawing isn’t gonna cut it.

Because what’s special about me?

But the more I followed other people’s advice, the less I felt like myself.

So, I’ve cancelled my subscription to my social media management tools.

Because, after writing social posts in advance on and off for a year, I realised that they’d lost their meaning.

Posting because someone’s Instant Business Success On Instagram Calendar said I should, resulted in my posts losing their soul.

Not to mention, sounding like everyone else who bought those same templates.

Because I wasn’t using social media in a way that was valuable to me.

I’d fallen back into that trap of trying to be what someone else wanted me to be.

And that never works.

So, 2020 has humbled me.

I feel quite stupid and very embarrassed.

I don’t consider myself to be the gullible type, yet here I am.

I feel duped.

But it’s my own fault, really.

Because I believed that other people’s way to success could be my way to success.

But in the end, I have to find my own way to success.

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