I see what you’re doing. And I want you to stop it right now!
Because it’s totally preventing you from getting your relationship with money right.
Oh, and don’t worry, it’s not just you. I see this all the time.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
- You refuse to buy a new pillow to replace your Old Trusty That’s Still Serviceable (at least 5 years old and with -56 neck support) even though hubby just got the latest must-have iGadget.
- You buy your kids the best brands to wear but go bargain basement hunting when it comes to yourself.
- Your pets look and live like pampered divas while you’re still walking around town in 10-year-old sweats and living on junk food.
Now, these may not be specifically your situation.
But if you’re sitting there bouncing up and down with fervour – eyes widening in horror and recognition – because you have your own version of this, then honey, self-worth is your biggy.
And it was one of mine too. So, I know what it feels like!
Did I ever tell you about my raggedy undies?
It pains me to tell you this, but I need to make this point crystal clear. Because it was a major wake-up call for me… For a long time (and I mean years) I walked around in undies that were raggedy.
And by ‘raggedy’ I mean full of holes, seams that had given up on life, the fabric was thinned out and the elastic had completely gone out of them, they were so stretched out they were barely even holding themselves together anymore – not to mention that they’d keep sliding down throughout the day.
But I refused to buy new ones.
Because there was always a reason not to. Someone else needed new socks. Or there was an extra bill that needed to be paid. Or Christmas was coming soon. Or the cat needed to go to the vet.
And so I put off buying new underwear. Next month, I’d tell myself, these are still fine.
Then, one fine day, I was pulling on a pair of said undies and my finger went straight through the fabric. It didn’t even make a ripping noise. The fabric was that worn.
That’s the day I finally answered that call from the universe and took a dose of cold, hard truth: I wasn’t valuing myself.
I bought new underwear – though even in the shop I was still debating on how many I should get. I was going for more but put a few back, telling myself I can always get more later. I had to force myself to get enough for one week!
Before all that, I didn’t think it was possible to have my self-worth restored to me simply by putting on new, unbroken underwear.
But that’s exactly what happened.
That’s when I realised how badly I’d really been treating myself.
I started looking around at my other clothes and realised they’re not much better off.
So, I set about mending what I could and finally getting rid of the stuff that was beyond repair (and making rags for mats so I didn’t have to feel bad about throwing things away).
And I realised that it starts when you normalise the little things. A hole here, a torn seam there – and before you know it, you’re wearing rags every day.
Once you accept that first little slipping in standards, the rest goes by unnoticed.
The moral of this story is: if you don’t think you’re worth it, why should you expect the universe to?
And, gorgeous; you’re worth it.
Take my word for it if you don’t quite believe it yourself yet. Because suffering or settling for less doesn’t make you a better person, it doesn’t prove how caring you are. All it does is makes you a martyr.
And you’re better than that, love.
You have the power to choose yourself, even if no one else does.
Because if you continue to put yourself down and allow that negative self-talk, this is going to affect you in more ways than just old, raggedy underwear.
Any of these sound familiar?
- “Once I’m more organised, I will be successful.”
- “I can apply for that dream job once I get just more more certificate (to prove that I’m qualified).”
- I’ll start dating once I lose those five, ten, fifteen extra pounds.”
- “If I’m not going to be the best at it, I shouldn’t even bother trying.”
- “If I’m not working hard (i.e. on the brink of a burnout), I don’t deserve to make a lot of money.”
Ultimately, not choosing yourself, means that no one else will either.
Not choosing yourself means that you’re choosing to stay small and not take up space in the world because you have this underlying belief that other people have more right to it than you do.
That other people deserve to be happy, while you don’t.
You’re perfect as you are right now. So choose to believe in yourself.
And then back that up by treating yourself right.
What medical stuff have you been putting off that you need to do?
When was the last time you went to the dentist, gynaecologist or GP for a checkup? Talked to someone about your mental health? Make a list and start adding these appointments into your calendar – and yes, add them into your calendar because a deadline makes it real.
Make an action plant to get this stuff done in the next 2 months!
What other things have you been putting off that you need to do?
Do them. Start with something small (like buying new clothes) if it feels overwhelming and build from there! Look around you – are you showing yourself the same care you show someone you love? If not, then what can you start doing TODAY to bring that kind of love and care for yourself? Whether this means drinking enough water, taking mental health breaks throughout your day or just drawing some personal boundaries – do it!
And make sure that you do one thing every day that’s just for you. Make it a habit!