Congratulations!
You’ve made it through the first third of the course!
Well, to be precise, you’ve completed 33.32% so just a tad over one third.
The important thing is that you’re here!
Because that means that you’ve come further than many others. You didn’t give up and quit after the initial excitement started tapering off.
Neither did you get worn down by all that inner work you’ve been doing – and trust me, I know this can be some real heavy stuff.
So, good job. You deserve a pat on the back!
In honour of your commitment, let’s roll up our sleeves, shall we? Today I’m going to be talking about forgiveness.
For centuries, poets and singers, artists and musicians have sung the praises of forgiveness.
Beyoncé defined forgiveness as the final act of love. And Maya Angelou called it one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Finally, science has caught up too, declaring that forgiveness is an act of love and strength, and that it’s good for you!
Because no one benefits from it more than you do.
Study results have shown that people who are forgiving tend to have, not only less stress, hurt and anger but also fewer general health problems, better relationships, and lower incidences of the most serious illnesses – including depression, cancer, stroke and heart disease.
The common misconception is that forgiveness is for someone else.
When in reality, the purpose of forgiving is to aid our own healing and well-being.
Holding a grudge is a weighty burden that falls on you when you don’t forgive.
Just think of the heavy, emotional downward spiral you enter when you bear the burdensome emotions of anger, hate, resentment, and rage.
And mostly over things you can’t change!
Forgiveness is how you free yourself from that burden.
And it’s entirely about you, not the person you’re forgiving.
Forgiving isn’t about denying or forgetting your hurt. It doesn’t even have to be about reconciling with the other person.
It’s about taking power over how you respond.
Becoming the hero rather than the victim.
You cannot control the past or the actions of others.
But you can choose how you construct your own narrative and move away from the stories you tell yourself that get stuck on repeat.
Because when they get stuck, they damage everything – from your mood to the quality of your life.
To do this, you have to interrupt your critical inner voice.
That’s the negative internal dialogue that feeds you a steady stream of thoughts to keep you miserable and to keep you suffering.
When you let your inner critic reign supreme, it yells, “You were wronged! You’ll never be back to your old self! You’re damaged! You can never be free of the pain! They’ve ruined you! You’re not strong enough! This can never be fixed! Hold on to the anger and never let go!”
And when you allow it to go on, you force yourself to keep living that pain.
Instead of creating new, better, happier memories, you’re stuck in your old troubling ones.
You might even start thinking that the whole thing is bigger than it really was, just so you can let it to wound you again and again.
So, how do you free yourself from this torment?
You choose your own story.
Don’t lie and don’t minimise the pain. But don’t be a moaner either. Allow yourself to grieve.
And then construct a story that reflects the way you want to move forward in your life, not linger in the past.
When you acknowledge the full pain of what happened to you – without getting stuck in a triggered state in which you feel like it’s still happening – you can feel your feelings without letting them overwhelm you.
And I know that it feels vulnerable to give up anger and hate.
But these emotions bend you far more out of shape than any others.
When you do feel the primal emotions bubbling up to the surface, get angry in a safe space so you can release them without drowning in them.
Talk to a therapist or a friend who can guide you through reliving the emotions without riling you up.
Pour your heart out onto paper or scream into the roar of a passing train.
By letting go, you’re not saying that what happened was okay.
You’re just making the choice to not be ruled by what happened.
With forgiveness, you allow yourself to break free from the parts of your past that still hurt you in the present.
And when you recognise that the emotions getting triggered in you come from your past, you can gently separate them from your current experience.
Because forgiveness sets the forgiver free.
Can you guess what I’m gonna say next? To release your money blocks, you need to forgive.
But this doesn’t mean you have to go talk to whomever you want to forgive. Or send a lengthy email. Or even a text.
You can practise forgiveness all by yourself, without any participation from the other person.
As long as your forgiveness is genuine, you can allow the negativity to melt away – and in the end, that’s all that matters.
I want you to start a new journaling page for every person you forgive.
At the top of the page, write “I forgive ______ for…”
It could be, “I forgive my parents for not teaching me how to save money for emergencies.”
Or “I forgive my ex-boyfriend for teaching me that buying things is a good way to say ‘I love you’.”
Always start with that sentence and then keep going – you have a whole page to fill.
Or more if that’s how much you’re carrying inside of you!
TODAY’S HOMEWORK:
At the top of the page, write “I forgive you, [name of the person you’re forgiving] for…” and do this exercise for anyone who’s contributed to your poor money mindset (family, friends, partners, etc.).
To take it one step further, add a ‘because’ at the end of that sentence.
For example, “I forgive my parents for not teaching me how to save money for emergencies because I have now learned the hard way how to make sure I have something to fall back on.”
And don’t be afraid of the strong feelings! If a thought or feeling pops into your head, write it down.
Especially if you get something that rears its head and then immediately gets pushed down because of how you’ve learned to suppress your real feelings, make a point to catch it and make space for it on the page.
