Transactional relationships are very good and very useful: they make the world go around. You don’t need to become besties with every supermarket checkout person you meet, you just need them to do their job.
And you won’t build transformational relationships with every person you come across, but if you can do it with the right people you will find that previously unimaginable horizons will open up to you.
You will discover what loyalty and commitment really feel like and how creating those elusive win-win situations is a truly worthy goal. You will marvel at the depth of compassion in someone who genuinely wants the best for you, rather than what looks like a good choice at the moment.
The people with whom you have transformational relationships are the pillars in your life, enabling you to do things you could never achieve alone – both at work and in life.
Learn the difference between transactional and transformational, so that you can cultivate a little bit of transformational into most relationships and recognise a good thing when it comes your way.
Your values are a powerful thing. Even though they’re “just ideas” they shape your life and are the underlying root cause to most of your decisions.
Knowing your own core values will guide you towards a more meaningful and satisfying life. It reduces stress, improves your health, problem-solving skills and drives you to make better decisions. Connecting with your values revs up your willpower and makes you persist in the face of difficulty.
You will be both more assertive and more compassionate, have more confidence and make better choices in life and career alike.
When you honour your personal core values consistently, you experience fulfilment. When you don’t, you’ll feel like your life isn’t compatible with who you are and like you have no control over your own happiness. You’ll also be more likely to escape into bad habits and regress into childish behaviour to uplift yourself.
How much longer can you afford to wait before finding your core values?
Whenever I start talking about narcissism and being raised by a narcissist, I’m always overwhelmed by the response. It’s clear that not just one or two of use have been raised by at least one narcissistic parent.
Having a narcissist for a parent wreaks havoc on your self-esteem, feelings of well-being and safety, courage and confidence for years.
Your relationship with your parents is a very intimate one because you wholly depend on them at a young age to teach you (directly and indirectly) everything about life. Eventually, you go out to explore on your own, but the foundation for your expectations and capability to deal with everything is shaped by those early relationships.
The belief that you are never good enough implants itself deeply within your psyche when you’re raised by a narcissist. It also damages your boundaries and sets you up for a lifetime of bending over backwards to please others at your own expense and thwarts your ability to communicate authentically.
It distorts your self-image to the point where it damages your relationships as well as your capability to be successful both personally and professionally. Most people never get the help they need in order to recover and heal because they never realise that what they experienced as children was unhealthy and destructive.
Behind every child who believes in themselves is a parent who believed in them first.
Strong self-esteem is the best defense your children can have against life’s challenges. But it isn’t passed on like a family heirloom and cannot simply be given, you need to teach your children how to build it in themselves.
It is far easier to build up the self-esteem of a child than it is to repair it in an adult. Having low self-esteem is like driving through life with the hand-brake on and you will never truly thrive until you discover the potential within yourself and realise that you can do the things you believed you couldn’t.
Children build self-esteem by doing things that are hard and learning what works. Self-esteem is the real magic that shapes your child’s future.
Every child is a star and has the right to sparkle.