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Tagempathy

Why it matters that you show your love – 10 ways to say “I love you”

Did you know that sharing your love will lower your stress hormones, cholesterol and blood pressure as well as boost your immune system?

To get all these benefits, though, you need to express your love, not just feel it. You can say “I love you”, write a note or send a text to say “I’m thinking about you”. Hugging, listening and offering to help with chores are all ways of showing your love too.

Just being in the presence of someone who greets you with a smile and is glad to see you, can lower your levels of adrenaline and cortisol, when you’re having one of those days when everything’s going wrong, and create a greater state of neurochemical balance – meaning you’ll feel better both physically and mentally.

Did you also know that when you feel secure in yourself and in your relationships, your stress levels go down?

Making it a habit to share your love and be compassionate towards others (as well as yourself) will even protect you against the effects of stress as people with more affection in their lives produce more oxytocin when they’re stressed than their counterparts.

Basically, the more affectionate you are, the less stressed you’ll even be able to get.

When you’re generous with your affection, your body will produce much less cortisol and your blood pressure won’t spike as high as if you’re more withheld. Funny how Mother Nature do dat!

Read this article to get some ideas on how you can spread the love! 🥰

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How bringing empathy to work can be the greatest thing you ever do as a boss

Have you ever felt like some people at work weren’t hugged enough as children?

Like the time I called in sick ahead of a Saturday 6 am shift and a total harpy picked up the phone. I had a fever, I hadn’t slept and I was super nervous about talking on the phone with a stranger.

On the verge of tears and hands shaking, I piped up, “I’m sick and I can’t make it to work today”.

The crone on the other end said: “You don’t sound sick.”

I fought to keep my voice even as my eyes filled with tears and a rage-mixed-panic was rising up in me. I mean, would it really take that much from you to bring a little empathy to work?!

I was the one who was losing pay for the shifts I was going to miss and her implying that I was just skipping work because I partied too hard the night before – if you call reading a book in a blanket cave partying hard – was just downright offensive.

Ever since then, I’ve wondered what would it look like if we were allowed to have our feelings. At work. In the world. In life.

I mean, what if no matter where you went, you felt seen and heard? Felt like your distress was recognised? Felt like what you’ve endured was acknowledged?

It’s that lack of empathy, that “Well, at least you bothered to call in and tell us you’re not coming to work,” way of treating each other that drives disconnection.

We need so much more empathy because that’s our way back to each other, our gateway to healing as a group, a community, a nation and a people.

But in order to wield your empathy wisely, you need to train yourself to better recognise and manage emotions – yours and other people’s.

Only when you add more tools to your emotional toolkit can you guide others and help them see that pain is temporary. That they’re not stuck in that difficult situation forever. That they’re not alone and that they have the power to take action.

After all, how much do a few kind words really cost you?

If I had to do that phone call all over again, I’d dress that bitch down.

But not in a nasty way, just point out that her behaviour isn’t acceptable for a superior at work and that she needs to reconsider her vocabulary.

Even if you’re not a boss, you can still be the hero that brought empathy to work. 💪

Let’s start a kind and compassionate revolution to eradicate all harpies from work. Cuz we all got shit 💩 to deal with and we don’t need to jump through hoops on top of that.

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Never feel overwhelmed or overstimulated again with these 4 simple tips

In dance school, I had a friend who always liked to be at the centre of things. If there was a crowd, she ran straight to it. If there was something happening, she was in the thick of it. She was always on the go – literally spending very few hours a day at home – and she’d bounce from activity to project to life commitment like a butterfly flower-hopping. It was exciting to be around her because it was […]

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What if you could genuinely comfort someone without resorting to “it’s okay” and a pat on the back?

How to genuinely make someone feel better when they're upset

If you want sympathy, look in the dictionary between SHIT and SYPHILIS.

Sympathy drives disconnection because it is drawing a silver lining around someone else’s pain and dismissing their feelings as no big deal.

You easily fall back on sympathy when you’re trying to protect your own heart (especially when you’re an overwhelmed empath), but acting like you don’t have a heart doesn’t make you a very good person.

How you make other people feel about themselves, says a lot about you.

Empathy fuels connection because it is feeling with another’s heart and seeing with another’s eyes.

Empathy is simply listening, holding space, withholding judgement, emotionally connecting and communicating “you’re not alone”.

Empathy is our way back to each other and it is empathy that changes the world for the better.

Empathy is me always willing to step into your shoes. Unless you wear Crocs, then you’re on your own!

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What’s the smarter way to deal with a crying child?

The funny thing about kids is that they're the reason we lose our shit and the reason we keep it together.

Parenting is a lot like the bar scene; everyone’s yelling, everything is sticky, the same music plays over and over again and once in a while somebody pukes. There’s also a lot more yelling at people from the bathroom than I ever imagined.

Parenting was a lot easier when I was raising my non-existent kids hypothetically. Back then I didn’t know that I could ruin someone’s day by asking them to put pants on.

The standard toddler to-do list goes something like this:
1) Ask for waffle
2) Refuse offered waffle
3) Ask why your waffle was taken away
4) Cry because you don’t have your waffle

…and that’s on a good day.

I feel like every time I say “no” my kid hears “ask again, she didn’t understand the question”.

They say women average about 20,000 words a day. My toddler manages that before breakfast. I routinely find myself staring blankly at my husband because I can’t remember what we were talking about after being interrupted 178 times.

Somebody asked me what the hardest thing about parenting is, I said “it’s the kids”. Ever had a job where you had no experience, no training, weren’t allowed to quit and people’s lives depended on you?

I am a strong woman raising a strong child which is why I need a strong drink. One day I’ll be thankful that my kid is strong willed, but that will not be today. Not in this grocery store.

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Worried about how your kids are gonna deal with life? Bully-proofing your kids is simpler than you think

Feelings are like waves we can surf

Dr. Seuss said, “Be yourself because the people who mind don’t matter. And the people that matter don’t mind”.

With anxiety and depression rates in young people growing at the same rate as smartphone adoption, it’s more important than ever to raise strong, self-aware children who can not only survive meeting a bully, but thrive in a world full of them.

By extension, raising bully-proof kids, will also raise kids who don’t bully. Compassion and empathy is the only way we have back to each other, back to a place where we can connect with each other and be part of something greater than ourselves.

Compassion is not a virtue, it’s a commitment. It’s not something we have or don’t have – it’s something we choose to practice every day, every challenge.

The earlier we begin to foster compassion in our children, the easier it will be for them to choose compassion over antagonism.

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Want to deal with less hissy fits? Coach your child through the strong emotions with these tips

Empathy not only matters; it is the foundation of effective parenting

Children need love – especially when they seem to deserve it the least. And that’s when it can be so incredibly hard to find a compassionate response.

Dealing with a developing brain and a human being learning how to hooman gets overwhelming at times. And arguing with a miniature version of myself, with the same shit-ass attitude, can get really frustrating.

When I say “Get dressed”, I don’t mean stand around watching TV with one sock on. Some days my mom voice is so loud even the neighbours brush their teeth and get dressed.

I can’t promise to fix all my daughter’s problems, but I can make sure she never faces them alone. Ultimately, I’m not dealing with just a tantrum, I’m training her in how to survive life and I’d like for my legacy to be the best advice she ever got.

This is but one mother’s quest to navigate the temper tantrums of a developing toddler brain, because life can get hard and things can go wrong, but no matter what, you’ve got to stay strong.

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6 ways introverts and cats are alike

How introverts and cats are alike

For the longest time I thought I was a dog person, just because I grew up around dog people.

But I always felt emotionally drained by dogs, constantly paying attention to me, always wanting me to go do something and never letting me make a trip to the fridge by myself.

Then, I discovered cats with their aloof ways and nonchalant manner, and I just bailed on dogs, like a rat getting off the Titanic.

Plus, when I complain about what a little sh*t my cat is being everyone agrees! Cat people totally know what I’m talking about and dog people think cats are little sh*ts anyway.

I totally get cats, they like to chill out and do their own thing and I can so relate to that.

All I need is a full tabletop of stuff to swipe to the floor and I’ll practically be a cat!

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How to prepare for birth as a new father-to-be

How to prepare for birth as a new father-to-be

If you’re feeling scared or nervous about becoming a father, remember this: fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.

As the father you are an essential part of the birth of your child, but men can easily end up feeling like spare parts when their own children are being born.

Labouring women aren’t the only ones who go through a deep transformation. You are also going through powerful inner changes in preparation for the littles feet to make the biggest footprints in your heart.

This article has everything new fathers wished they had known before the kids were born.

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Unslept nights, teething fevers and crushing loneliness. Did you know that being a stay-at-home mom could be this exhausting?

How exhausting it can be to be a stay-at-hoome mom

Parenting is hard. Especially, when you’re trying to be patient with a little impatient versions of yourself.

Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.

If parenting came with a GPS it would just mostly say “recalculating”.

It often feels like 90% of parenting consists of thinking about when you can lie down again. It’s a constant battle between going to bed early to catch up on some sleep and staying awake to finally get some alone time.

And it’s hilarious when kids trundle up to you and tell you they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dishes is where you get ideas about how to have a good time.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Where can I get directions to this frickin’ village??

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