The funny thing about money is that the more you worry about it, the less you have. And the less you care about it, the more you have.
But you have to keep in mind that money is just a tool – not inherently good or bad.
And it’ll take you where you want to go but it can never replace you as the driver.
Take it from someone who’s been both poor as well as deeply in debt; money is better than poverty, even if it’s only for financial reasons.
It doesn’t matter if you love it or hate it, the bottom line is that money isn’t everything – but everything needs money.
Money is one of those things that you easily end up struggling with.
Because money isn’t just about the money – it’s about so much more.
Money can so easily represent greed and exploitation.
As a perceptive person, you know that too many people spend their hard-earned money buying things they don’t want and impressing people they don’t like.
And you don’t want that to be you. Don’t worry, neither do I.
Because we both know that when you want to feel truly rich, you need to count the things in your life that money can’t buy.
But the raw truth is that if you don’t gain control over your money, the lack of it will forever control you.
And you absolutely deserve to have abundance in your life. Because having a lot of money doesn’t make you bad, it just puts the power to shape the world around you in your hands.
Why do autistic women so often struggle with money?
Money issues is a very common problem among autistic women, and I think there are several reasons for this.
One of the big ones is that when we look out into the world, we see some of the selfish ways people get caught up in the material world.
Flaunting the latest fashions, newest tech, fancy cars or expensive vacations seems empty when you crave meaning and purpose in life.
Ambition to gain more money and more power is also a very foreign concept to those of us, who cannot turn a blind eye to the suffering of others.
In a world where billionaires have more money than they could ever hope to spend in a single lifetime, seems so unfair while others suffer in poverty or sleep in the streets.
Stepping on or exploiting others in order to get ahead is something that we don’t want to build a career on.
Neither do we align easily with corporate culture, which praises predatory instincts and the ruthless pursuit of growth for the sake of growth.
We don’t crave the fast-paced, high-pressure careers that typically generate greater abundance.
Instead, our hearts call us to give up of our own share to help others, to care for those in need, safeguard the environment or advocate for animals.
Perhaps, consciously or unconsciously, we often also reject the energy of money and abundance.
Since we don’t want to be greedy or selfish.
Seeing how those with money and power have influence over those who have less is something you can feel deeply wronged by – even on behalf of others.
But if you blindly accept the idea that money, by its very nature, corrupts those who obtain it, you can quickly find yourself in survival mode.
I know because I’ve spent years navigating these feelings as an autistic adult.
And I’ve come to understand that the energy of money is closely tied to your emotions.
Money can bring up so many negative emotions – fear, anger, disappointment, panic, stress.
It can even be deeply entwined with your sense of self-worth – like it was for me – and the lack of money can seem like evidence of you not being worthy of more money.
But money isn’t inherently good or bad. Money is what you make it.
When you realise that it can also bring gratitude, abundance and a sense of giving back, you’ll see that it’s worth making space for money in your life.
Because whether you agree with it or not, whether you like it or not, money is a tool with which you can influence the world around you.
Just think of all the wonderful things you could do if you had more money!
You could buy more from small businesses and independent artisans, who take time and care in crafting what they sell, rather than buying cheaply from large chains with exploitative practices.
You could donate more money to charities who’re tirelessly working to clean up the planet, save the animals, help refugees and alleviate poverty.
You could invest money in research that could change the world if it could only get enough funding.
You get to choose how you use your money.
And more money doesn’t have to mean drowning in material comfort just for its own sake. More money can mean more power in your hands to consume more responsibly and to shape the world around you for the better.
Money alone will not buy happiness or make all your problems disappear.
Even with more money, you’re still you. And you have to live with yourself.
Healing your money energy.
Taking the time to heal your own money wounds will not only help you and improve your life, it impacts the people around you as well.
As an autistic adult, you have an opportunity to become a role-model for a different kind of abundance than we’re used to seeing.
Can you imagine if all the billionaires in the world were more empathetic influencers? More aware of the suffering of others? Focused on what’s really important and thinking of how everyone can benefit?
I’m telling you now: it’s okay for you to receive abundance.
This important lesson requires you to detach your self-worth from your net worth.
Because your greatest abundance doesn’t lie in your material possessions, or the number in your bank account, but in the full realisation of yourself.
How money gets intertwined with self-worth.
As an autistic adult, you’ve probably experienced something called hyper-vigilance.
That’s when your younger self puzzled out early on that your survival depended on being in tune with what other people were thinking and feeling.
This is especially true for those of us who’ve dealt with emotionally unstable or traumatised family members who routinely prioritised their own needs over everyone else’s.
Out of this experience, you learn to set your own needs aside.
You might have even learned to completely disregard your own needs at the expense of taking care of others’ needs.
This teaches you that even just thinking about yourself or your needs, maybe even just having a self, is selfish.
When you think about this, it’s easy to see how money becomes a value of your worth. How the flow of it and the energy of money becomes deeply entwined with how you think about yourself.
You don’t want other people to feel bad or uncomfortable.
You might even feel guilty if other people have negative feelings.
So, you reason, if you had money, other people would feel bad. Jealous. Hurt.
And this is how guilt becomes twined with your view of money. Because you feel responsible for their emotional well-being.
But as you learn how to manage your sensitivity, learn how to hold your centre, you also learn how to draw healthy boundaries in order to maintain your sense of self. You realise your own worth and gain the tools to protect that.
This, in turn, supports your ability to have money.
“I can’t afford that” really means “I don’t trust myself” because how can you trust your self if you can’t feel your self?
From this disconnect with your self come the belief systems that perpetuate not having abundance:
- “I’m not worthy”
- “I don’t deserve that”
- “I can’t have money”
- “I need someone to take care of me because I can’t take care of my own self”
- “Money is bad and it corrupts you”
- “Having a lot of money is wrong”
- “I feel selfish when I have money” etc.
These are the beliefs that underpin your decisions when it comes to money. Ultimately, they’re what’s stopping you from experiencing abundance – not just with money.
These beliefs are also what keeps you giving to others from a place of empty and hold you back from taking care of yourself.
You need to rekindle that connection with your true self when you want to change this.
When you stop putting other people’s needs before yours (at the expense of your own well-being, I might add) you’ll notice that thought patterns like “I can’t afford that” start grating in your ear.
Because when you’re aware of your worth, you’ll begin to recognise things that aim to diminish or hurt you.
And you’ll instinctively begin to protect yourself from things that are hurtful and don’t serve you.
To change your fortunes, you need to harness the most powerful tool at your disposal: your mind.
Why you don’t have the kind of money you’d like to
If you feel like, no matter what you do, money just isn’t flowing abundantly into your life, you’re most likely feeling stressed out, frustrated, and hopeless.
When you don’t have money and you need or want it, all you’re thinking about is the lack of it in your life. And that’s where it all goes wrong!
Because focusing on the lack of money, just brings you more lack of money.
When you’re trapped in a scarcity mindset, you simply can’t manifest abundance in your life. And it can be with anything – money, love, friendship, success, work, family, hobbies… you name it.
And the less you have, the more you focus on not having it. It’s a feedback loop from hell.
The one thing you need to do to change that? Change your mindset about it.
You need to shift your scarcity mindset into an abundance mindset and start living your life from a place of abundance in order to invite more abundance into your life.
In order to do that, you need to identify the underlying limiting beliefs you have about money.
What are some common limiting beliefs about money?
One of the most common money blocks is believing that you’re not worthy of having money. Especially when there are many people who struggle in the world. “Why should I deserve it more than them?” is a common thought when you feel that it would be unfair for you to enjoy abundance while others have nothing.
Or you may believe that making a lot of money isn’t possible for you because no one else in your family or community ever has. You might worry that your family will treat you differently if you start making more money than they do. That they might get jealous of you rather than be happy for you.
You could even be worried that once you get a lot of money, you’ll just lose it all. And you’ll be left with nothing! You might also think that you’re not skilled or experienced enough to earn more.
If you want to change your behaviour and increase your capacity to receive and experience abundance, you need to uncover and get rid of any limiting beliefs you have ASAP.
Journaling is a powerful tool to identify and change your limiting beliefs
Journaling is a fantastic way of getting all your thoughts and feelings out of your head and onto the paper.
Because your brain was never designed to be a memory storage tool – your mind is notoriously bad at remembering things accurately anyway!
Your brain is a thinking tool, don’t waste it trying to store things in it.
Instead, put the extra load down into a journal and free up capacity for more and better thinking!
And because it’s for your eyes only – you don’t have to share this with anyone! – give yourself permission to be completely open and honest.
And keep going deeper. Every time you feel like you’ve gotten to the bottom of something, ask yourself, feel around inside of you and check if there’s something more.
Because let me tell you something: there always is!
And you shouldn’t stop until you arrive at that personally significant truth that’s buried underneath there somewhere.
Rich people don’t stop having money blocks, they just get good at dealing with them as they come up.
And don’t worry if your journaling takes you to places you don’t expect. Since we’re talking about underlying beliefs, there are bound to be some unexpected and unforeseen connections behind it all.
Neither should you worry if it takes some time.
If you get tired in any way or just feel like it’s too much or you’re all tapped out, just put it down and come back to it tomorrow instead. After all, it’s taken years for that stuff to be put in place, don’t expect it to just magically change overnight.
Even once you’ve been able to dig out those underlying root-causes, the work has barely begun. Because then begins the gruelling task of building a new habit to replace the old, negative one. And that means choosing new things, making different choices, which is always a cognitive load in the beginning – but gets easier the more you do it.
Use these journaling prompts to identify your limiting beliefs:
- When you think about money, what thoughts, feelings and ideas come up for you?
- If anything was possible, how much money would you like to have?
- Why do you feel you haven’t achieved that goal so far?
- What thoughts and feelings (limiting beliefs) tell you that you can’t have all the money you want?
- Where do these limiting beliefs come from? How or from who did you learn them? Think back to your childhood and past experience with money.
- How did your parents/family talk about money when you were growing up? What kind of relationship did your family have with money?
- How does it feel to hold on to these limiting beliefs? Do they serve you?
- How have you treated money in your life so far?
- If your limiting beliefs were no longer true for you, how would things change for you? What would you do differently?
- What is a more optimistic belief that you can choose to believe about money instead?
How to rewrite your money story
The reason you don’t have the money you’d like to in your life right now, is because you’re telling yourself a negative story.
One really effective way to gain new perspective and turn around negative beliefs is to list the negative and limiting beliefs you hold about money.
Once you’ve finished the list, go back to the beginning and cross out the first item on the list.
Write BULLSHIT next to it and then write a convincing argument to the opposite.
For instance, if the belief you want to change is “I can’t make that kind of money because no one in my family has ever made that much money” you can cross it out and instead come up with as many reasons as you can why that simply isn’t true.
So, a counter-argument could be “my family does not determine how much money I can make” or “my past knowledge and experience with money doesn’t limit my future earning potential”.
Be thorough in this exercise because going forward those old, limiting beliefs are going to come up. And they’re going to come up often.
And when they do, you need to be ready to fire back at them with every counter argument you can think of.
So, when you find the thought, “I’m not good enough to ask for a raise” pop into your head, you need to fire back with, “Wait, hold on. I am good enough to ask for a raise! Because I work hard and I’m good at my job!”.
Besides, what’s the worst thing that can happen if you ask for a raise? They might say no.
But they might also say yes.
Write yourself a new money story so you know who you need to become instead
There are some differences between who you are right now and the version of you who is wildly abundant.
In order to start getting the kind of money and abundance, your current self is only dreaming of, you have to make the effort to start embodying the abundant version of yourself.
If you can see it, you can be it.
Think about these things:
- Who would you be if you were financially abundant?
- What would you do differently than now?
- How would you show up differently to your daily life?
- What would be different about how you dress or do your hair?
- How would you feel different than you do now?
- What habits and routines would you have that you don’t have now?
And then think about what you can do today, what practical steps can you take, to start feeling more like the abundant version of yourself?
Are there habits or routines you can already do?
Is there a mindset or attitude about something that you can already embody?
When you align yourself energetically with a more abundant version of yourself, you’ll begin manifesting that abundant version of yourself.
Because in order to enjoy abundance, you need to be able to perceive it, receive it as well as hold it.
Redefine how you value yourself.
When you want to do the deep inner work to increase your earning potential and break through your income plateau, take The Money Mindset Workshop.
It’s a course with real talk about money, that includes exercises and journaling prompts to help you completely transform how you think and feel, not just about money, but how you measure your own worth.